Tuesday, May 28, 2019


It is conventional wisdom to believe that sleep best approximates the state of being dead – to the world, at least.  In sleep, we suspend our wakeful consciousness from the world around us and from our real selves.  But in careful introspection that latter is not so, since we know that when we slumber our reveries inhabit that consciousness.  And our dreams are as commonplace as the involuntary act of breathing.  Except we do not have much control over them, and they are wont to regularly deviate from the cold realities that we are subject to in our wakefulness.  Thus, in dreams we can fly, not die, though at times we are unable to do acts that in reality are easily done like running away from danger, etc.

And because of their very random occurrences dreams have been subjected to so much and so many scholarly studies, not only dissecting their whys and wherefores, but also and at times importantly, what their significance are to the person’s real life.  And thus, hopefully can be used as tools or aids to healthy and more purposeful living. But in spite of the tons of researches spent on the subject, it is still largely the case of the jury still being out when we try to explore their connections and relations with the dreamer’s real life.  A life so typically frothed with stressful and traumatic situations.  It would be easy to suggest that the resultant mental traumas of such worrisome situations could easily spill over beyond one’s consciousness, and into the person’s world of dreams.

But regardless of the clear absence of iron-clad verdicts on what dreams mean or suggest, I took the liberty of listing the recurring dreams that I have experienced in my life, those I could easily and randomly remember because they keep coming back unsolicited it seems.  They appear to be of some significant consequences for me.  The myriad other dreams are too diverse to tackle and categorize as to merit precious attention.  Thus, they have been summarily relegated to the dustbin of forgetfulness.

Anyway, here is a listing of the dreams and some explanation or possible significance.  And what are the possible common threads in all or most of them?  This I do know, that when they unfold I feel uncomfortable, apprehensive, and fearful as if something bad would happen or something sinister would be uncovered.   

1.        That I have not really left my last long-term employment in San Francisco so that I find myself still reporting for my duties though not many appear to know that I still do.  And the workmate that I worked with is nowhere to be found to confront or confirm with.  I just keep reporting for work with no ID time card and not really verifying if I am getting paid still.  I go out without swiping any card.  Etc.  And I am always fearful that somebody would notice me coming in and going out.  But I soldier on, eager for the hoped-for pay that I assume I will continue to get.

2.        The other recurring dream is that I find myself still going to school and taking some subjects, though I absent a lot and do not review for exams, and I appear to know little of the subject matter.  But I am still enrolled and still looking for where the classes are being held.  Have not even read the books assigned.  I constantly am anxious because of my absences, my not studying the lessons, or reading the books assigned. Still going to school but quite clueless about the subjects being taken, and bereft of any commitment to passing the subjects.  Like I am only present in body but my mind is somewhere else.

3.        The 3rd one which have not occurred recently is about flying, where I am always attempting to fly by dropping off high mountains and gliding to the ground.  I always appeared to fly somewhat though with difficulty and at times with great effort, but I never crash or get hurt.  And when somebody is chasing me, I usually encounter difficulties and thus not easily able to escape the pursuer.  But I end up still safe.

4.        4th recurring dream has been that of taking international flights where anxieties abound – like whether I have my ticket and passport, the luggage I am taking with me, etc.  I always appear that I have not prepared well enough for the trip so I am in constant apprehension about the above things.  Also like missing my flight, the places In Bukidnon or Camiguin where the flights are coming from.  Etc.

5.        5th recurring dream has been that of repeatedly traveling toward Gingoog on a not so reliable vehicle, passing through bad detour roads somewhere in Balingasag, roads in constant repairs and detours, sometimes going through off-roads, and staying overnight in places like Medina or Gingoog.  And always feeling anxious and apprehensive, like reliving trying times maybe during my two assignments to the place.  So these dreams are possibly a reliving of those very trying times that may have left permanent scars in my memories.

 The question for me has always been what the significance or meaning of those dreams in my real life.  It appears that I have not been able to put closure to my work in my last employment, thus the reason why I keep thinking I am still employed there.  That maybe because of the particular way I ended my employment there, I am still not convinced that I have really separated from it.  That the decision lacked finality and determination.  Thus, I am constantly reliving that employment, like the separation was just in my mind.  Though not personally meeting with him, I am also constantly thinking of my last workmate and his whereabouts in the hotel.  He appears to still work in the same department and he appears not to mind my working my graveyard hours while he does the days.  The 3rd member of our team has not figured in those dreams.

Regarding the continued schooling sessions, it is probably because again I have not put closure to my studies which were stopped before I completed them, thus I continue to aspire for their completion.  And I do admit that I continue to want to take up my studies again if time permits. 

So for both dreams, these two things must really mean a lot for me way deep down inside so they would resurface involuntarily in my dreams, asking for attention.

Regarding the flying, I believe it is because I do a lot of daydreaming and fantasizing during wakeful hours that again somehow this flying symbolizes the fantasies I am quite fond of thinking.  Yes, I can understand why I would dream of flying because on many occasions I imagine myself being able to do these above-human stuff and impressing all of humanity especially the womenfolk.  Not just flying, but practically all other stuff legends are made off, including physical attributes that would court admiration and desire from the rest. I still have to learn to fly the drone I have.  And my dreams of owning a gyrocopter are still quite strong.  After all, I spent much time learning about such flying crafts and how to pilot them.  Even planned to enroll in actual flying lessons.

Are these clear signs of insecurity or immaturity, or just plain inability to deal with realities as they are?  Insecurity because I am not comfortable with the results or outcome of my employment and the many flaws that I exhibited? I exposed myself to many perils during that employment.  Things that could have merited censure or termination, or maybe possibly some legal challenges. But I took risks anyway, feeling like I could have not lived with myself if I did not pursue them. Or because forgoing with them  was not an option to me at the moment,  And I was always ill at ease in that environment, always fearful and timid about what to do in the discharge of my duties.   And as much as I could avoided contact with the higher-ups.  In short, I was not at ease, though I did not feel like an inferior.  I was just timid and fearful.