MUSINGS OF A SOLITARY PERSON SEARCHING FOR KINDRED SPIRIT

It’s been quite sometime that I’ve found that this mortal coil I’m tied to
has become rather burdensome.
It’s not that suddenly the load has become unbearable;
nor because its multiplying cares have conspired to overwhelm.
It’s not even because of the countless frustrations it has spawned daily.

Why then the wanton indifference,
the lackadaisical and dreary outlook to the unfolding reality that slowly rolls in each day ?
Culled from a veritable storehouse of life experiences, the answer is readily unraveled.
The uncanny realization that earthly life is bereft of meaning,
so fleeting and so vaporous in its content.

Finding that nothing of life induces inspiration to pursue it with at least decent fervor.
No wonder then its trite challenges are met with tepidity and nonchalance.
Finding that the trifling values and pursuits that present-day man has clothed life with,
I look down with derision and disdain.

Harboring no ill will toward man himself
but only at the blatantly hedonistic pursuits that preoccupy his day.
A gnawing yearning for something more meaningful and profound is felt spiritually.
Things that satisfactorily fulfill my very discriminating criteria for goals worthy of pursuit.

Things that relate to the higher and noble nature of man.
Ultimate causes that address what comes after this so inscrutable existence.
And the pangs of impatience obstinately tear at my consciousness,
Making it very difficult to exhibit even feigned interest
and enthusiasm at the very mundane concerns of everyday living.

Despite the gloomy picture painted above,
the quest for meaning is doggedly pursued if only to justify continued existence.
The ultimate purposes are easily articulated with nary an iota of doubt.
To mortify and bring the material body to complete and total subjugation
by the spirit through the strict practice of A S C E T I C I S M.

This determination gives me impetus to continue with life.
It proffers the clarity of vision to see through the hazy veil
that shrouds the real purpose of man here on this earth.

That he is here only as an itinerant traveler,
preordained to begin his real life in the spirit
devoid of the constrictive trappings of the flesh.
Still, while the mind and spirit share a clear and unstinting grasp of my real goals in life,
Keeping in this frame of mind is most of the time difficult
and calamitous lapses are not uncommon,
Making it necessary to incessantly remind myself of the guiding principles
that should rule my daily living.

But life ought to be more than just an excruciating tolerance
and nonchalance of the events that shape it.
It ought to be more than just trying to survive the trip so the goal can be attained.
It is still within one’s capabilities to make life a more positive experience.

One should be able to look forward to each day with child-like anticipation,
in tandem with a driving passion to be an active and catalytic participant in it.
And not just a passive onlooker being bandied about,
satisfied with just trying to salvage the most out of a situation.

If such a possibility should exist,
I ought to dig deep into myself and my innermost resources to find out.
To enable me to look at life in a positive perspective
so that I can approach each day with promise and excitement.

The search might be made more meaningful
if I can find a kindred spirit to share my sentiments and philosophy.
Is it possible to find such a person in this lifetime,
or am I so alienated from the rest ?

In my own peculiar and quaint ways
I pursue the search for kindred soul for I still have to find one.
While everyday, I struggle and grope around trying to maintain the precarious equilibrium
that makes life bearable and livable.
At every turn and every tick of the clock,
confrontational situations stare at me,
Demanding undivided attention
and unyielding to anything less than total commitment.

Most of the time, the battles seem to weigh against me
resulting in a troubling and agonizing sense of frustration.
And as if these were not sufficient for the day’s share of troubles,
the vagaries of my sensual emotions float around the mind seeking fulfillment.

Sensuous desires, definedly moral taboos, buffet the will;
Are the learned moral values of our youth still relevant or what ?
The many familial concerns also add their share of bitter medicine
to an already water-logged soul.

Indeed, life seems not to be getting any better in terms of achieving a yeoman’s share
of those fleeting moments of seeming peace and tranquility
so that my mind can relax and savor the beautiful vistas it surveys
as it glides through the times of my life.

Death seems such a sweet and tempting alternative to extricate oneself from all this living.
but in an inexplicable, almost sadistic, way one can’t help believing
that these trials are cathartic and may indeed make for a more saintly life.

FOR DO NOT ALL THESE BRING OUT IN EACH ONE OF US
THE SAME GODLY DIGNITY THAT PERMEATED CHRIST’S EARTHLY LIFE ?

TRAVAILS OF THE LOVESTRUCK

Where the mesmerizing powers of a pretty face emanate,

one can only surmise.
Although there is no denying its awesome presence
when it draws nigh.

It initiates surging emotions so strong and lasting
they defy containment and restraint.
Lifelong defences one is clothed with seem no match,
easily overpowered and overwhelmed.

Where does one get relief from such a malady?
For truly it is one.
Where does one go to forget and start anew
unfractured by its painful yearnings?

Are not such emotions fathered so they can be fulfilled,
and not seethe with frustration?
How does one’s sensual passions seek gratification?
Unless one resorts to flights of fantasy.

Still, one feels the eerie emptiness and deprivation
of such vicarious incursions to unreality.
For the actual experiences of touch and communion,
these cannot replace.

Devoid of bodily senses,
the soul must of consequence bear the heavier burden.
For so it’s deigned it must pursue its pleasures elsewhere,
this role the body assumes.

The body can be appeased by offering alternatives,
the soul will accept no less.
It cannot be deluded to accede to compromises,
and for thus it must agonize.

To the very end it drags with it the total man,
resulting in an utterly miserable departure.

Say I: Meet Me

These vignettes on friendships that you regularly run into truly are emotionally wrenching and should if one is normal tug at the heart and bring out very strong feelings. But sometimes one wonders if they are as real as they are presented and narrated. 

 Take this particular one on Friendship, for example. The picture: two loving souls in perfect harmony, basking in the bliss that each one exudes. The reality, as I perceive it: True friendship is a very demanding and exacting relationship, unless both participants are already equipped with the same beliefs, temperament, dispositions, awareness, etc; meaning, they mirror each other. 

 Unless true friendship is premised on two “similar” persons uniting together, it requires constant adjustments and reorientation. A constant “tug and pull” of the individual’s need to be this and the other person’s need to be that, the individual’s pining for solitude and friendship’s need for communication, etc . 

 While man is a social and gregarious being, I truly believe that a good part of him requires “aloneness” and true friendship which should hold no boundaries, can most of the time get in the way. If you ask what my take on this is. It is that while these provide good reading, one should remember that in real life, nothing much is that “cut and dried”. Everything in life requires a great deal of time and effort, a lot of confusion and real pain, with each individual contributing his yeoman’s share. With emphasis, on each individual. 

 If through my willful inaction or negligence, or reckless wrongful choices, I make myself poor and indigent; then I impose myself on the concern and goodness of the other. Rightly or wrongly, I make myself a liability, or a burden, to the other. And in the general scheme of things, each individual should carry his own rightful burden. For me then true friendship is not two individuals leaning on each other.

 Maintaining relationships of any kind is not only always serious business but is never easy. It can be close-knit one, like a family relationship, or a loose one like an email group. Still, there is always a degree of difficulty maintaining it for a variety of reasons depending on each individual person. It always requires much patience, adjustment, tolerance, and a host of things stemming from our own individual differences. 

 From my experience, the only and best person I can get along with, with nary a single complaint, is I. Without a doubt I can always rely on this a 100 percent. I need only lock into “myself” to find solace, comfort, and validation of what I believe in. And all’s well.

Of Light and Light Saber Duels

The newest Star Wars Episode III has again captured the collective fantasies of moviegoers by elevating the ferocious light saber duels to new incandescence – more and better. Trivia buffs are in a tizzy, reveling on the only duel where the light sabers are of the same color – the duel between the soon-to-be Darth and Obi Wan.

It is no wonder that any discussion of light can easily catch the interest of and inspire the beholder.. Discussing light scientifically is likened to discussing religion/spirituality without even meaning to, since that is how entwined the two disciplines are.

Listen to Genesis..... “out of the void (blackness), there came out light....”

Now, listen to science. It declares that photons are the basic quantum units of light/heat. It could be wave or particle, it has no mass, no charge, travels at 186,000mi./sec, it has no time, and is neither matter nor anti-matter.

But the miracle is if photons collide, they “create” protons, electrons, positrons and anti-positrons, which are the basic elements of matter and anti-matter. And since, we, mankind, are made up of matter, they are our origins, too. “And on the fifth day, God made man.”

Science further declares with certainty (since these are replicated and backed with scientific data) that a photon exhibits a sense of purpose and design because it always follows the shortest distance to its destination, although nobody really knows where it is headed. In a real sense, it has no beginning to speak of and no end to head to. An Uncaused Cause that is eternal.

It was also Einstein who declared that if there was no God, man would invent one. But it seems like he did not invent one, he “discovered” one.

Just some thoughts on wonderful and Godly light.

To Be Or Not To Be: Filipino or American?

One wonders what drove you to commit to verse the characteristic qualities the two countries (the USA and the Philippines) exhibit that make them in one vein, similar and in another vein, poles apart.

For those of us who have adopted the US as our home, we constantly grapple with similar issues as we try to assimilate in our new environs. For those of us who came here as adults, laden with all the home-grown baggage of preconceived notions and ideas, the process of assimilation has been quite a formidable undertaking.

We are confused and caught in the horns of an unavoidable dilemma. To assimilate or not to assimilate. To assimilate but maybe not completely, all the while maintaining umbilical ties with the old country. Or to proceed being the way we were, unmindful of the crying needs of the present situation. Never mind if the people around us find us quite straying from expected norms of conduct.

Which shall it be? What should we become, being residents and citizens of this new place? Does not being a citizen require a modicum of behavior aligned with the rest of the citizenry? Or do we still maintain our old identities, again unmindful of the rest of the population?

And personally, if there is any singular and sterling quality that separates this new home of ours from the rest of the world, it is the convergence of all the races/ethnicity one can possibly find in this pale blue dot we call, Earth, in one glorious place - coexisting harmoniously under one law and government. No other country duplicates this remarkable phenomenon.