CONVERSATIONS WITH SELF

Understandably these twilight years bring diminished capabilities and mobility, resulting in almost bunker-like existence.  Shrinking one's world and ken even more as days are piled under, with attention laser-focused on eternity in general, but day-to-day living in particular. 

Thus, we are not even in the midst of family life.  We are simply alone, an old man with his wife by his side eking out solitary existence.  The rest of the family now on their own with their own families and concerns. 

Moments like these when one begins to converse with one self rather than with other people. They are our Says-I-To-Me moments, with your consciousness on one side and your still-thriving mind on the other.

In these instances you quickly learn introspection and reflection if you have not already.  One begins to ask profound questions about oneself.  In the shortened drive to eternity, what are your purposes in life?  However late-term they may be, what are they and how may they be pursued and accomplished?

Though short and straightforward the question may be, no easy answers can be deduced.  Best then to just go through all the things one does and see where they lead if they make sense at all.  Brainstorming is always a good start.

In the rush to eternity, what have I been doing and for what reasons?

In no particular order then, here are the things and chores that had occupied my time as we speak.

With great preparation and financial effort, I have been able to publish a book of almost 500 pages.  So much so that a second volume is in the works.  Is my purpose as an author then?  Anyway, I am now a registered author and my book now has a unique  ISBN number  assigned to it.

During my grade school I had always had a predilection for doing sketches, starting early with imitating caricatures in comic books, newspapers, and magazines.  I can recall the first time I did it and felt proud of my sketchy work.  I had imitated the caricature of then Phil. President Elpidio Quirino whose default caricature was that of a big-nosed and heavy-set man sitting on a padded seat with one heavily bandaged foot raised on an ottoman.  The guy suffered from a bad case of gout.  I imitated that sketch and even got an admiring nod from my taciturn mother who in turn relayed such joyful discovery to relatives.  And to this day in some kind of compulsion, I continue to do sketches, this time specializing in busts of famous and notable personalities.  I probably have accumulated a collection of about 400 pieces.  Am I an illustrator then, slavishly pursuing that path till the end? In this regard, I also am both a numismatist and philately collector, accumulating about 2000 pieces of coins from various countries.  Being an avid Elvis Presley fan, I can also boast of a modest collection of memorabilia comprising mostly of books and MP3 files.

I was an employee for about 37 years, and earned my essential living being one.  Was able to raise family and provide for our retirement years.  In hindsight,  I do put value on what I did as such and am grateful for what it afforded us as a family.  Clearly it was pursued with earnest as a necessity, and not because I liked doing it.  As a matter fact, I can confess that I was only too eager and happy when employment stopped.  Now it is regarded simply as a past phase of my life.  Nothing less, nothing more.

Indeed, right after employment I wasted no time looking for the path to self-employment or entrepreneurship.  Commenced earlier even before retirement by getting license as a real estate agent.  And engaging formally in the business for at least 3 years, the initial validity period of my license as i recall.  And after that, secured another state license as personal financial analyst which served me well personally.  Then in a very serious way, the IT bug got me, and I could not help myself learning as much as I could digest about it.  So did a lot of serious self-study to secure license as a network and sysadmin technician.  Our eventual return to the old homeland cut short any attempt  of securing that license, though with regard to subject knowledge I had gone through the wringer of learning and researching.  And I considered myself as ready as I could get.

It was back to the old homeland when the entrepreneurship bug caught me.  Started with planting high-value crops on rented agricultural  land.  And eventually buying some plots with agriculture in mind.  Also went into real estate investments, with residential apartments and commercial spaces for rent. Established 2 bakery sites, and a water-refilling station.  And even tried a piggery fattening business. 

And now in a tad grandiose way, established a resort/retreat patterned as a farmhouse model with lodgings available and spaces and structures available also for functions and events.  And in the works will be an inn for more accommodations.  And by the way, we also had much earlier started a coffee orchard with about 2000 trees, which are now fruit-bearing.  At least two harvest seasons have been had.  We also have little fishpond, seeded with tilapia and catfish. We also plant flowers for show and for sale, too. So is entrepreneurship the purpose for this existence?  Definitely, we are in the thick of it with construction projects still ongoing.  So indeed we are into entrepreneurship.

On another front, this time using social media as tool, I have engaged in what I call my truth-telling advocacy, especially because nowadays fake news and deliberate misinformation are so prevalent in the institutions we have long regarded as trustworthy and reliable.  But have now gone to the dark side.  So I spend considerable time, disseminating and dispensing truth where I find it, and assist to make known the emerging personalities who are also committed to the same task.  And for this, I consider myself a citizen journalist, tasked with a very noble and admirable purpose worthy of effort and maybe, worth dying for.

With all these confusing choices, what reasonable deduction can one draw in reply to the initial question?

I can't say.  So maybe best to just let things slide.  Let the chips fall where they may.

But then even holy books warn that one cannot run away from oneself.  So always best to confront and resolve.

So if that be the case then let me pursue all of the above for all men.  And continue on with what are being done.

Amen.

In The Nature of Man

The deep-longing desires for permanency, perpetuity, and preservation are I do believe innate in man, encoded deeply enough as to be part of his DNA.

It is in the very nature of Man to create, pro-create, build and preserve.  Not to destroy and lay waste, both his creation and himself.  Thus, we find generally no logic or justication in suicide-bombing, or even just suicide.  Or for that matter any act the default result of which is one's own demise without a decidedly greater cause.  Thus, we can justify greater love than this when a man gives his life for his friend.

I myself shudder at the thought of any destruction, whether real or make-believe.  I hate watching movies where things are blasted away like buildings or cars, or even the most petty of things.  But I beam in pride and glory at the sight of things being built and becoming reality.

We are hardwired toward creation and self-preservation.  Though at times this gets short-circuited along the way, and thus in our insanity  temporarily  set aside.

In a nuclear war nobody wins because everything is destroyed.  All potential combatants know and understand this.  Everybody is resigned and committed to this eventuality in the event of any nuclear exchange between two opposing nuclear powers.  There are no two ways about it.

Ergo, the country or people who are most committed to create and preserve are the least likely to start a nuclear war.  And vice-versa.

Some Unforgotten Childhood Chore

 

                                                                                      

Living with a large family allows an accumulation of memories that tarry on and refuse to go way.

This is one such hardy memory that had kept me anxious during  my last afternoon nap.

Living and growing up with my large family in that old house along Del Mar and Victoria Sts, I had chores like any other siblings, though in hindsight I wonder why I felt undue brunt on many of them, being only the 5th child in a brood of nine.

On the ground floor of that very cramped house, tucked between my parents' bedroom and the bathroom facility was a small enclosure called the kuwartito.  It was intended as the help's quarters, right next door to their tiny and dark bathroom facility.  The room was also limited in space by the fact that it was partly under the stairwell leading to the 2nd floor.  That throwaway space was used to store odd stuff - like tires, clothing and rags, cardboard, etc.  As if that these were not enough, there was built another compartment made of wood and amakan and situated flushed to the outside wall.  It was at least 5 feet high and maybe 2 square meters, with a small opening on the top..  It was used as storage of palay.

The story of the source of the  palay merits another separate account. For now, let us proceed to the chore.  In effect, the palay was our household inventory and supply for the rice that we needed each day for our meals.  Every time our supply of rice would run low, the family dipped into that supply.

My chore was to load palay to two big jute sacks, using the kerosene "taro" to scoop palay from the enclosure into the 2 sacks.  This was one "prickly" chore since exposure to the palay made one very itchy all over, aggravated by the intolerable heat in that very cramped space. But it had to be done.

The sacks were then loaded to a tartanilla and delivered for milling to  Buhayco rice mill somewhere along Real St. near its intersection with either Gomez or Luzon Sts. One retrieved one sack of milled rice for the two sacks brought. Then back to the house. And this chore was repeated as the need arose.

Initially none of us young kids in the house raised any question about the source of the palay. .As I got older, certain things began to add up, and not because we started asking questions.  But simply because one added to another.

One very vivid recollection I have as a kid  is of a trip we made to a place in Opol, riding in a relative's  shiny Ford sedan.  Our uncle and aunt who were our next door neighbors, brought some of us siblings together with their only son for the trip.  It was to be  a day long trip, where food was brought and handled by a helper who came along for the ride.

The trip was among other things memorable because of the number of times we had to disembark during the entire trip.  Not that the car was not reliable, but because it was determined that the precaution was critical for our protection.

First, from the house in Victoria driving to Carmen, we had to disembark as the car negotiated the steep downgrade leading to the makeshift ferry docked near the City Hall.  The old bridge bombed during the last year was not restored yet.  And then on the disembarking procedure was repeated for every bridge all the way to Opol.  Can't remember how many.  But understandably it had to be done since all the bridges then were made from coconut trunks that were not considered reliable.  So each time we disembarked, we walked behind the car as it negotiated the bridge, then back inside on the other side.  This was the routine.

We reached Opol and were thrilled to see irrigation canals running parallel and vertical to the highway, with clear and cool waters flowing noisily.  We were told that they were fit to soak in, which we did without a moment's delay.

Later, we learned that our uncle and aunt were visiting their basakan in Opol and that our parents also had theirs in the same location.

Back to the house, on occasion we would get visits from a soft-spoken and kindly old man named Iyo Unque.  And we would overhear conversations about palay production and how much we could expect.  Pretty soon sacks of palay would arrive and they would be unloaded into our little stash..

Th equation therefore as best as I could figure out was  that Iyo Inque took care of planting and harvesting palay from basakan owned by my parents, and the production was shared between the two parties.

So ends a clear enough exposition of one particular arrangement consenting people had during those times.  Arrangements that ostensibly benefited all parties concerned.

One last lingering thought on the whole thing. I can only imagine the rat problem we were initiating because of that palay storage right on the ground floor where it is very accessible.  And so to this day the scourge of that little neighborhood  is, you guessed right, the rat problem.

You and Your Descendants

 

You and Your Descendants

 

Strong contravening forces of both nature and nurture will conspire

to almost guarantee next generations will be different from prior.

 

Mothers and fathers markedly different and estranged from progenitors;

while children and grandchildren in many ways alien to their ancestors.

 

Though still obvious reality when certain individuals surprise many

when they appear looking and acting like their previous progeny.

 

The similarities and differences treading beyond just physical beatitude,

but all the way down to values and priorities, and yes, even pulchritude.

 

We affirm that God’s stupendous and inscrutable handiwork assures

the utter uniqueness of each human person in His cache of treasures.

 

We hope the moral absolutes learned through our long history

filter down to the last generation of the anointed human family.

 

After all, we also believe these are encoded in our very nature.

To be searched for and discovered in true fashion and nurture.

 

In The Threshold of Life, Where Do You Stand?

 As I age even more I find the chasm between the spiritual life (or at least the perception of it) and that of the realities of our living getting wider and wider, rather than closer as the end of our temporal lives comes closer.

As Christians, our avowals to the strict precepts of our Leader, Jesus Christ, get more and more intense, yet we find the daily living of our lives instead veering away more and more from those “hard sayings”.

In no mean terms, Christ has repeatedly intoned that to be like him we must deny ourselves, follow him, and take up our daily crosses.  That life is one battle after another, from one cross to another which at times weigh heavier, till our last dying breath.  That there is no respite for us in these temporal settings.

 The only consolation afforded us mortals has been His words that doing all these, He will send us grace, as a “foretaste” of the eternal kingdom He promised us afterwards.  To illustrate this, consider being under extreme thirst from denial of water for many days, and we get a drop of water in our tongues, just enough to experience the thought of relief that water can bring.  That is to me what foretaste is.

And yet how far have we strayed from these stringent strictures? We still even in our mellow ages, crave for temporal pleasures brought on by our daily pursuits.  The pleasurable trips that we take or planned to take.

The fine rich food we pine for and/or savor.  The idle tasks and camaraderie we thirst for among our friends and relations, and loved ones.

In other words, our pursuits still are essentially those that provide us with the fleeting pleasures of earth, rather than the lasting treasures that are supposed to be laid for eternity.

 And which can come only with our daily taking of our crosses.

Quest for Childlike Innocence

 

Quest for Childlike Innocence

 

 

When the cares of the world threaten to overwhelm,

how nice it would be to be lost in a children's playground

nestled comfortably in the midst of any nowhere.

 

What could compare with the playful innocence of a child?

 let loose with the swings and see-saws of yore?

Untethered from the constricting cares of adulthood.

 

Swinging to and fro with the carefree ease of the wind.

Or climbing hither and thither, the worldly cares too distant.

Exchanging somber silence with innocent lively giggles.

 

Oh, to be a child again, lost in the embrace of youth.

Innocent and wild as the fairy nymphs in books.

Yet loved and treasured by all hither and yonder.

Short Disparate Thoughts Collated

Risking War 

At this point of the game, or war in this instance, the elemental question to ask is: How does the world deal with a troubled man drunk with grand designs, without fully satisfying his blood lust? As a kid, I recall that when a mad-dog roams, we simply scamper for safety anywhere and wait for somebody to end the dog's miseries. At this point nobody is daring enough, or maybe, reckless enough to risk a nuclear holocaust. God help us. Can we say that it is common in wars that the more deadly damages are not done by military superiors on the ground? That they are made by politicians and pundits in the background, who make clueless, reckless, and what have you decisions/opinions in utter abandon? Unable or unwilling to realize the dire consequences of their inane actions? And why not? They are very rarely killed in battle. There is very little attrition in their numbers. 

Lost Hope at the Height of the Pandemic In every real and virtual way, the Corona Virus has taken over the world. It has become all too powerful and omnipotent. It is there wherever we turn, in every which way our ken is directed. It has preoccupied our waking hours and beyond. Even our reveries may already be dealing with its deadly results. It has become the “crown of thorns” of the world. And what is more, it is indiscriminate. It destroys not only the good things humanity has made possible, but even the evils men do are not spared from it. Like Noah’s time, everything in the world is being levelled. It might as well be the end of creation. Hard to imagine that this nemesis so small and insignificant could possess such unimaginable destructive powers. But we recall God did create the entire universe out of nothing. To dust and nothing is our conceivable end. Best to accept and welcome it. On this our salvation hinges and is to be found.

Should we be alarmed?  Other than the fear of contracting the virus.

Climate change extremists ought to be celebrating because the result of coronavirus is pushing the world toward their version of nirvana.

Global travel or movement of population and goods  has already been greatly curtailed.  Economic activities in many countries have been greatly reduced, and thus their deleterious effects on the environment have been immediately curtailed.

As reported, emissions in China greatly dissipated because of shutdowns. Countless peoples are just staying home idle and not productively engaged.

 

In other words, worldwide production has been deflated to levels to slowly becoming comparable to earlier and cruder times.  Aggravated no less by the utter dependence of the rest of the world with China, who is now responsible and accountable for many manufacturing output, ranging from the most basic to those highly technological. And this will continue as the virus spreads and infects more.

Let us see, how long the world can continue to exist the way it has been existing if this trend prolongs.

In faraway Cagayan de Oro, there are several well-patronized discount stores selling mostly Chinese goods.   Well patronized because of very affordable prices, and with products ranging from light bulbs to all sort of tools for carpentry, automotive repairs, gardening, etc.

My favorite is one named Novo, which is very accessible right in the heart of the poblacion.  Plus, I hold a discount card purchased with initial discounts made on purchases.

 

At the cashier’s counter yesterday Sunday, I mindlessly remarked about the spreading virus not thinking that all their products came from China.   The cashier nonchalantly intoned that yes they too were mindful and careful.  And that their store has already stopped import shipments.

So pretty soon, can we expect their shelves to be empty?

And more.  In distant Alae, the wife purchased pears in one fruit stand by the highway.   This definitely is no local fruit.  Where do you think it came from?

 

Trump Derangement Syndrome One More Time Excerpted from the Nation, an avidly liberal newsmagazine: 

 ‘Do you consider Donald Trump to be an aspiring authoritarian? There are certainly demagogic aspects of his behavior: disregard for institutional limits of his own authority, disregard for democratic norms and human rights, bullying and threatening political opponents, scapegoating of the vulnerable, mischaracterizing opposition to his plans as treachery, and a seeming indifference to understanding the US Constitution. But it’s also important to recognize the broader authoritarian currents in the American polity that put him in power.’ 

 Funny, but I thought the author above was describing largely the administration of Barack Obama, rather than the fledging administration of Trump which has barely warmed its seat. I believe this just goes to show that it is easy to make a case against anybody, by simply throwing around statements and claims that appear to bolster a given hypothesis or premise. All this to support the current reality of protests. When in fact the reason for the protests can simply be attributed to this. 

 During the time of Obama, the opposition accepted its defeat readily, and planned and waited for its turn during the succeeding election cycles. This time around, the losers simply cannot accept its utter defeat, and thus will do everything even before the inauguration to delegitimize or destabilize the new administration. Shades of things happening locally, too. 

 These organized protests have nothing much to do with what the current administration is doing. As a matter of fact, Trump is simply trying to fulfill his campaign promises. So why no protests during the campaigns when all his plans had already been made public? Why no claims of him being authoritarian then? 

 Aquinas to the Rescue In these dreadful times around the globe in both free and not so free countries, we are reminded of simple truths about the FREEDOM of our Creator and his creatures, particularly man. Here to remind us are words from the preeminent voice of Christian philosophy, Thomas Aquinas. Thomist philosophy pervades the teachings of the Catholic Church.

  “There is an inherent absurdity in the notion that omnipotence by sharing its goodness through creation lost something of its power and all of its freedom. We have managed to swallow this indigestible morsel on the human level in our own times. 

 It has been seriously argued that the State which is man’s creation for political life automatically supersedes its creator. The radically revolutionary argue that the state devours a man; THE MERELY LIBERAL, THAT IT ABSORBS HIM. 

 In either case, he is small change compared to the state. To accept this same humiliation on a cosmic scale is to replace the fact of creation and divinity’s perfection with a Frankenstein myth of total universality. God’s creation towers over His creation and ultimately destroys Him. 

The enlarged proportion of the tale do not diminish its childishness. Common sense would put aside this pettishness and look squarely at the obvious question: what can God do in the world?

Another brother crossed the bar

                          JOSE V. NERI

                   Born June 19, 1938

                 Died January 10, 2023

               

For man crossing the bar is one imperative nobody in this world escapes from. Still, every time, we give pause to ponder on such passing.  The uniqueness and significance of any one such event reminding us of the ultimate care the Creator showers on each person, down to the pettiness of knowing and keeping in existence each strand of hair he possesses.

In keeping then with such tradition, I mark and set aside time to delve on the life of my brother who just crossed the bar.

In the stillness and quietude of my brother's life,  we can discern many instances when he showed and understood the nobility of life and the filial care we each should have of every other of our kind.

Without noise of words, he showed in his own unobtrusive ways and loud actions that he truly believed these very basic premises, though at times because of our flawed nature, he may have fallen short in his interpretation and in his guidance.

Early in his life he had discovered and nurtured the idea of service to humanity.  In school, he showed not only serious demeanor in his study but also in extra-curricular activities such as serving Mass and teaching catechism to youths in the city.

As no surprise then, right after graduation from high school, Dodong joined the Society of Jesus with a group of his classmates, starting the pursuit of their vocation at the novitiate in Novaliches, Manila.  He stayed there for about 2 years.

As far as we could gather his leaving was a cooperative decision between himself and the society.  It was the common decision that since he did not possess enough of the vocation to pursue it to its end  that rather he would be more fulfilled and suited for some other career in life.

And this he did, and decided instead to pursue the study of medicine, which even then revealed his deep conviction in service to humanity.

From pursuing a vocation tasked with the saving of souls, he would instead choose a profession that would pursue preserving and saving the human body.

The study of medicine was a long and arduous one even for a very passionate and dedicated person like Dodong.  Many challenges stood in his way.  First and foremost was financial, thus most times he had to be a part time medical student taking on employment on the side.

But his sacrifices paid off, finally finishing all studies by 1972. It was the onset of Martial Law in deeply-troubled Philippines, so Dodong decided to travel to the US.  And there he would stay till his retirement, again running through a gauntlet of countless challenges presented not only under the new environment, but even with the very practice of the profession that he had sacrificed for in his old homeland.   But persevering, he overcame them all, practicing pediatrics in the State of Michigan for many years. Then retiring after age caught up with him.  But in all those intervening years enjoying the manifold blessings of his adopted country, he ever missed any opportunity to help and assist  family members who were left behind.

He came back to his homeland almost 5 years ago before his death, registering a life lived to the full measure and more.