It is conventional wisdom to
believe that sleep best approximates the state of being dead – to the world, at
least. In sleep, we suspend our wakeful
consciousness from the world around us and from our real selves. But in careful introspection that latter is
not so, since we know that when we slumber our reveries inhabit that
consciousness. And our dreams are as
commonplace as the involuntary act of breathing. Except we do not have much control over them,
and they are wont to regularly deviate from the cold realities that we are
subject to in our wakefulness. Thus, in
dreams we can fly, not die, though at times we are unable to do acts that in
reality are easily done like running away from danger, etc.
And because of their very
random occurrences dreams have been subjected to so much and so many scholarly
studies, not only dissecting their whys and wherefores, but also and at times
importantly, what their significance are to the person’s real life. And thus, hopefully can be used as tools or
aids to healthy and more purposeful living. But in spite of the tons of
researches spent on the subject, it is still largely the case of the jury still
being out when we try to explore their connections and relations with the
dreamer’s real life. A life so typically
frothed with stressful and traumatic situations. It would be easy to suggest that the
resultant mental traumas of such worrisome situations could easily spill over
beyond one’s consciousness, and into the person’s world of dreams.
But regardless of the clear
absence of iron-clad verdicts on what dreams mean or suggest, I took the
liberty of listing the recurring dreams that I have experienced in my life,
those I could easily and randomly remember because they keep coming back
unsolicited it seems. They appear to be of some significant consequences
for me. The myriad other dreams are too
diverse to tackle and categorize as to merit precious attention. Thus, they have been summarily relegated to
the dustbin of forgetfulness.
Anyway, here is a listing of
the dreams and some explanation or possible significance. And what are the possible common threads in
all or most of them? This I do know, that
when they unfold I feel uncomfortable, apprehensive, and fearful as if something
bad would happen or something sinister would be uncovered.
1. That I have not really left my last long-term employment in
San Francisco so that I find myself still reporting for my duties though not
many appear to know that I still do. And
the workmate that I worked with is nowhere to be found to confront or confirm
with. I just keep reporting for work
with no ID time card and not really verifying if I am getting paid still. I go out without swiping any card. Etc.
And I am always fearful that somebody would notice me coming in and
going out. But I soldier on, eager for
the hoped-for pay that I assume I will continue to get.
2. The other recurring dream is that I find myself still going
to school and taking some subjects, though I absent a lot and do not review for
exams, and I appear to know little of the subject matter. But I am still enrolled and still looking for
where the classes are being held. Have
not even read the books assigned. I
constantly am anxious because of my absences, my not studying the lessons, or
reading the books assigned. Still going to school but quite clueless about the
subjects being taken, and bereft of any commitment to passing the
subjects. Like I am only present in body
but my mind is somewhere else.
3. The 3rd one which have not occurred recently is about flying,
where I am always attempting to fly by dropping off high mountains and gliding
to the ground. I always appeared to fly
somewhat though with difficulty and at times with great effort, but I never
crash or get hurt. And when somebody is
chasing me, I usually encounter difficulties and thus not easily able to escape
the pursuer. But I end up still safe.
4. 4th recurring dream has been that of taking international
flights where anxieties abound – like whether I have my ticket and passport,
the luggage I am taking with me, etc. I
always appear that I have not prepared well enough for the trip so I am in
constant apprehension about the above things.
Also like missing my flight, the places In Bukidnon or Camiguin where
the flights are coming from. Etc.
5. 5th recurring dream has been that of repeatedly traveling
toward Gingoog on a not so reliable vehicle, passing through bad detour roads
somewhere in Balingasag, roads in constant repairs and detours, sometimes going
through off-roads, and staying overnight in places like Medina or Gingoog. And always feeling anxious and apprehensive,
like reliving trying times maybe during my two assignments to the place. So these dreams are possibly a reliving of those very
trying times that may have left permanent scars in my memories.
The question for me has always been what the
significance or meaning of those dreams in my real life. It appears that I have not been able to put
closure to my work in my last employment, thus the reason why I keep thinking I
am still employed there. That maybe
because of the particular way I ended my employment there, I am still not
convinced that I have really separated from it.
That the decision lacked finality and determination. Thus, I am constantly reliving that
employment, like the separation was just in my mind. Though not personally meeting with him, I am
also constantly thinking of my last workmate and his whereabouts in the
hotel. He appears to still work in the
same department and he appears not to mind my working my graveyard hours while
he does the days. The 3rd member of our team
has not figured in those dreams.
Regarding the continued
schooling sessions, it is probably because again I have not put closure to my
studies which were stopped before I completed them, thus I continue to aspire
for their completion. And I do admit
that I continue to want to take up my studies again if time permits.
So for both dreams, these two
things must really mean a lot for me way deep down inside so they would
resurface involuntarily in my dreams, asking for attention.
Regarding the flying, I
believe it is because I do a lot of daydreaming and fantasizing during wakeful
hours that again somehow this flying symbolizes the fantasies I am quite fond
of thinking. Yes, I can understand why I
would dream of flying because on many occasions I imagine myself being able to
do these above-human stuff and impressing all of humanity especially the
womenfolk. Not just flying, but
practically all other stuff legends are made off, including physical attributes
that would court admiration and desire from the rest. I still have to learn to
fly the drone I have. And my dreams of
owning a gyrocopter are still quite strong.
After all, I spent much time learning about such flying crafts and how
to pilot them. Even planned to enroll in
actual flying lessons.
Are these clear signs of
insecurity or immaturity, or just plain inability to deal with realities as
they are? Insecurity because I am not
comfortable with the results or outcome of my employment and the many flaws that I exhibited? I exposed myself to many perils during that employment. Things that
could have merited censure or termination, or maybe possibly some legal
challenges. But I took risks anyway,
feeling like I could have not lived with myself if I did not pursue them. Or because forgoing with them was not an option to me at the moment, And I was always ill at ease in that
environment, always fearful and timid about what to do in the discharge of my duties. And as much as I could avoided contact with the higher-ups. In short, I
was not at ease, though I did not feel like an inferior. I was just timid and fearful.