Nothing could be a looser
definition of friendship as social media giant Facebook has presented it for
us. Click away and you can be friends
with most anybody you desire, including complete strangers. Clearly a way that could cheapen the deeper meaning
of the word.
But why would it be of any
significance to have regard for the word?
Because in times past civilizations had always kept it in high esteem,
an enviable state to earnestly aspire. Think of the classic friendship of Damon and
Pythias of lore. When Judas appeared before
Christ for what possibly was the last time prior to His passion, Christ
addressed him with the title of friend, to add to his other titles of anointed
apostle and trusted keeper of the purse. Christ had the intention of bestowing upon
Judas a pinnacle of human relationships.
One that made him almost at par with the divine kinship of Christ. And even Shakespeare in the impassioned
speeches of Brutus and Anthony, made liberal use of the word friends to address
and appease the restive and mutinous crowd after the assassination of Caesar.
Our revered elders had officiously
held almost sacrosanct the concept of friendship, way beyond the BFFs we assign
randomly with some of our FB friends.
It behooves us then to
revisit this concept, dissect, and ultimately redefine and prioritize it, from
the heights of platonic relationship down to the casualness of nodding
acquaintances.
BTW, I often hear about love
and friendship in the light of unconditional rigor and dedication. Thus many expect parents to shower their
children with love that knows no bounds and without limits. Or among friends, taking nothing off the
table to maintain and grow that friendship.
I say that these are such unattainable standards, bound to suffer failure
once tested to the fore. After all man
is not only flawed and weak, but is intimately tied down to a hierarchy of
values he has to follow.
Like that all things considered,
for example, man is expected to save his own soul over and above everybody
else, children and BFFs included. God
has said that when man comes to Him in judgment He demands no witnesses or
intercessors. One comes with the deeds
he had done in life and that alone will provide the basis to convict or acquit
him. That will be the only criterion for
one to merit heaven, or hell. Not even
the testimonies of your benefactors will mean anything. At that instance God’s mercy is shunted
aside, and only God’s justice will come into play.
Thus the need to be smart and
practical in the conduct of our friendships, lest we go beyond the bounds and
cross over to sacred grounds where other relationships cannot tread.
Let me bring in a personal
anecdote showing why we need to bring out into the open honestly and
dispassionately our differing understanding of friendship.
I worked in California for a
quarter century, toiling hand in hand with people from all over the world
including other parts of the US. And in
the process, developed work and personal relationships with all sorts of people
from very diverse locations and cultures.
Some relationships more intimate than others depending on common
interests and orientation, and depending also on work assignments.
I worked mostly in IT which from the start was
always defined under a very small department. In the
earlier days at the cusp of the computer revolution it was then called EDP,
that is, Electronic Data Processing. For
us, most times that miniscule unit was composed of two people, me and a fellow
employee that I had known at the start of our employment in the hotel industry.
In short, we got very close
beyond just the work environment, exchanging info about our families and past
lives. Though we had different
homelands, the discovered similarities were quite striking as to make both of
us share many similar backgrounds. Him
coming from a small country in Central America, he was intently proud of his
old country and his upbringing. Not much
different from my own views with regard to my life and times in the old
homeland.
Anyway, one day he confronted
me with a hypothetical case about friendship, with obvious reference to our
own. Supposing if, he said, he traveled
to Mexico and was wrongfully detained.
Not having any other viable option, he called me up in the dead of night
to seek my help. Would I drop everything
and immediately attend to his request?
Relatedly would I be the
right person to undertake such a crucial mission? I had never been to Mexico, did not know
the culture and language. Etc. The point being that there are many prior
commitments that have to be assessed and prioritized; to be factored in to
arrive at informed and effective decisions.
In other words, in reality
one cannot be unconditional in such things because we all have prior
commitments that may have higher priorities than others. True especially if one has a family to
consider.
The ironclad quality of being
unconditional does not fare well when juxtaposed with realities. It is bound to failure in observance because of
prior commitments.
But in the middle of all of
these are the countless friendships many of us hold and cherish, friendships
that will not consummate beyond delightful camaraderie during joyous times, and
quite rarely going beyond this during difficult times, not really requiring
unconditional support and dedication.
Our fondest hope is that our
friendships will not be so demanding as to be too difficult to maintain. Because again after all, we individually have
very committed responsibilities within our circle of family and relations.
In ending it is well to
remember also that in the arenas of love and friendship, our God is a very
jealous lover and friend. He would not
countenance sharing, nay, He would demand that our love and friendship be exclusively
His. The eye of our intention being
singular – to love and please Him alone.
